A student breaks a common classroom rule like forgetting to raise their hand. No big deal. It happens.
So you calmly give a warning.
And Mount Vesuvius erupts. The student crosses their arms, glares at you, and yells, “But I didn’t do anything!”
You remind the student of the rules, which you’ve previously taught, modeled, and consistently followed, but it only makes the student angrier.
“But I didn’t do anything!!”
Such reaction is becoming more common because more students are growing up without being told no. In their mind, calling out in class or wandering the room or otherwise doing what they feel like isn’t “wrong.”
They didn’t beat anyone up. They didn’t throw a desk or break a window. No one was injured.
Now, it’s important to note that schools are quick to label these children with ODD, CD, IED, ADHD, XYZ and the like.
It’s not their fault, you see. They can’t help it, you see.
If you’re a longtime reader of SCM, then you know that we believe this is untrue and incredibly harmful, all-but destining them to a life of unemployability, crime, and violence.
The only solution is to take a stand.
In many ways, it really isn’t their fault. They’ve been let down by the adults in their life who have failed to hold them accountable.
In the above scenario, the worst thing you can do—other than ignoring their behavior and accepting it as their disorder talking—is to repeat, remind, convince, explain, or argue why calling out is wrong.
You’ve already done this when you taught your plan the first week of school. Furthermore, they already know this. They just don’t accept it. At home, you see, they can do what they want.
They’ve been corrupted and now their ego won’t allow them to accept what in their world isn’t misbehavior. They cut in line at McDonald’s. They steal cosmetics. They run through the mall.
You’re going to tell them that they have to raise their hand when they speak?
Yes, you are. If you want to make a difference in their life, you must be tough enough to stick to your guns and protect every student’s right, theirs included, to learn and enjoy school with0ut interference.
Thus, here’s how to handle the situation after you’ve give your initial warning and walked away:
1. Don’t respond. They’ll only say “I didn’t do anything!” over and over again. Keep teaching for now.
2. After the student calms, which might be 30 minutes later, inform them of the second consequence. Walk away.
3. Often, having been left alone to think about their behavior in light of their classmates and your calm, unwavering consistency, they’ll accept it. That it takes dramatic intervention and dubious diagnoses is false.
4. Stay the course. Do what your plan says. Continue to repeat step three, enforce, call home, assign detention, etc. until they fulfill their responsibility. Period.
5. Never, ever give in. Parents don’t care? Child doesn’t care? Call their bluff and follow through anyway. The magic isn’t in the consequences themselves, it’s in your consistency and whole-class classroom management.
6. Again, stay calm, don’t explain, and do not budge. Be as resolute as Claudette Colvin.
Why it Works
Because unwavering accountability sends a loud and clear message deep into the heart, and below present awareness, that you care. You refuse to give up on them and might be the only one.
As long as you refrain from lecturing, battling, counseling, and further labeling, and allow the student to make the right choice of their own accord, and when they’re ready, it proves that you believe in them.
You hold them to a standard because they have real worth. They will feel this and know this to be true. It can’t be denied.
And it can be life-changing.
This approach no doubt will spark questions. “What if this happens and that happens?” “What about this?” “What then?”
We don’t run from questions here at SCM and will answer anything and everything. We take on all comers. Often, however, it takes an article or video to answer.
So please ask below or email me and I will get to it.
In the meantime, be bold and refuse to kick the can down the road. A complete change in attitude and belief about themselves and their world is not only possible, but far easier than the educational ruling class believes or will ever admit.
Giving in, excusing bad behavior, implying there is something wrong with them, and saddling them with life-long labels does not work. In fact, it’s terribly and irrevocably harmful.
Decide that the buck stops with you.
They really are worth it.
PS – If teaching has become stressful for you, check out my new book Unstressed: How to Teach Without Worry, Fear, and Anxiety.
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